BlackSmithy's Perspective
Wow, I never thought I'd be writing one of these. Truthfully I never thought I'd need to. I've never seen myself as overly important or deserving. It'll be like my own "The Truth". I guess I should start with an introduction. I'm Smithy, most of you know me. I joined this wiki July 29th, 2016. I used to be a semi-active member of the Weegeepedia community. Embarrassing, I know, but honestly back then I didn't think much of it. In any case, I was inactive on that wiki for three whole years (Yes, I used to use wikia while underage) before rejoining under a new account. A few days after joining I followed a link on Alphaguy's page that lead me to the third wiki. Immediately upon arriving there I knew something was off. "Leave. No longer here". I almost didn't follow the link on the main page, though my love for a good creepypasta (as it was Wiki 3) drove me to go on. Upon joining this wiki's chat I was greeted by the Venkon Leader IM STILL ALIVE. I asked a few questions, notable whether this was a third wiki, and was referred to the truth. I read it and left a few minutes later to play video games or something. Upon rejoining a few hours later I saw Terrios528 and Nicole on at the same time. I was then questioned. I'll admit I was a little immature, usually responding with "LOL I AM 1337 H4xX0r" and the like. I had my doubts. And then I saw a familiar face in chat. Dudegi WC. I knew him from the weegeepedia wiki, though frankly I didn't know or care too much about him. Then 7/29/16: Shattered Promises happened. Read it if you want, it's not the main focus here. I was quite shocked by this whole ordeal and I felt guilty at first for having snitched on WC. I no longer regret what I did. I was allowed to stay, and for some reason I was happy at this. I don't know what drove me to continue coming, but I did. Every day for around a week I came to chat. I insisted on staying neutral like a true edgelord, though I found myself sympathetic to the Venkon side. I joined the Venkons in early August. That was when Ambrose came. Ambrose's first visit was terrifying. I've been hearing about this guy for a while and I've come to fear him and here he is in chat addressing us. It was surreal. If you were to read the log you'd see how shocked I was. I barely worked up the courage to ask him a question and was surprised to have him answer it. After he left everyone was freaking out, though eventually calm ensued and we all agreed to get some sleep. It was at this point that I was deemed relevant enough to have a user page because of what I had seen. The following days can only be described as filled with pure terror. I remember we started chatting on another website and I kept joining as some stupid username. As more and more info on the ivichs was given out I started fearing for my life. And so, being a paranoid edgelord, I asked Nicole to leave the army. I then asked her to ban me for a day to think things over. I couldn't even handle being banned for a single day; I came back on an alt. My alt was then banned. This begins a month-long period known as "altcest". The name is pretty descriptive, all I did was make an alt and join chat asking for forgiveness. Meanwhile I had asked Nicole for her skype so we can talk outside of wikia. I believe that despite everything this is when our friendship truly started. I asked her on skype to come back as well, though the venkons consistently voted against it. All hope seemed lost. Then I had to reset my iPad for school and my IP address was renewed. That meant I could make a new account and try to infiltrate the wiki. Unfortunately I wasn't very smart about it and made an alt here which was instantly recognized. Terri found out it was me soon thereafter. My final alt was "Axolotl Axolotl"— at that point I really had no idea what to call my alts anymore so I picked that name randomly. I was allowed to stay. If I could show them that I am compatible with the venkon army then I would be allowed to rejoin. Around a week of relatively normal activity passed. Towards the end I was there for some drama I'd rather not discuss here in which a previous venkon was banned. As I had reacted calmly and patiently I was allowed to come back. Thus ends my first exile. The next few months are hazy. The whole ordeal with X happened, but I don't remember much else. I do remember the discord server we set up. God, I hated that thing. It was around this time that I was told I'm a loop member. Not only was I a loop member, but apparently I was a general as well. After this I started taking a more active approach to the wiki. I contributed more and logged more chats. In fact, I was quickly outpacing everyone else in terms of sheer edit numbers. May of 2017, that was when people from the Demon's Light wiki came over. This included NPSKullcrackaTheAssassin731. The next few months were spend dealing with their issues, as well as infrequent visits by Ambrose. By July we all knew something was gonna come up. And indeed it did. Ambrose himself came to propose a peace deal with us in order to band together to stop the many. I'll admit I didn't much trust him, but I was one of the ones that urged Nicole to accept this treaty. I don't regret what I did. Late September we all knew something was up with Skull. He seemed to have abandoned us Venkons. We all knew what was coming. In October we held a trial and banned him. I was one of the ones in favor of banning him. And now starts the parts I can remember with clarity. October 5th, 2017. The day I asked Nicole out. Looking back I was a fool to have done so. But I don't regret what I did. This day starts one of the darkest as well as happiest periods of my life. As school went into full swing I would get bullied much more. This caused me to lash out frequently. I held nothing back. Every single word I said came back to bite me in the ass later. I didn't mean any of it but... well, I have been punished for it several times over. And I know it'll keep coming. Anyway, I retreated away from the wiki for a while. I still contributed to the wiki with css and stuff, but not as much as before. By December the bullying was becoming too much to bear. Someone took a video of me and posted it online. That was the last straw. I lashed out with full force at the person closest to me... Nicole. I'll spare you all the details but it was bad. Really bad. I drove her to suicide almost. January was what I believed to be a new start. I was wrong. Dead wrong. By February I knew I was slipping. I held strong to my faith and to Nicole, and it got me through the month. March, however, was different. This was when Gabe came back. Coincidentally, it was also the month I started losing my mind. It's no coincidence. To protect Nicole's privacy I will not state what was said. But it wasn't pretty. I became suspicious of her. I became suspicious of everyone else. April 10th, 2018. The day the world stopped making sense. My mom's nagging at how depressed I had been lately finally drove me to break up with Nicole. I regret it, but I acknowledge it led to her being happy. From that day forth no one was close to me. I lashed out at everyone and everything that had a brain. I turned into a monster. And rightfully so I was banned, beginning my second exile. And for two weeks I did nothing. Nothing at all to improve my situation. And then I dared show my face to them to tell them I had changed. And they believed my lie. As you can imagine, it didn't go so well for me afterwards. The suicide threats, the lashing out, the screaming, the accusations. All due to heartbreak. I couldn't move on from Nicole. I couldn't stop and think of her happiness. I only thought of myself. Until finally, one day, she got sick of it. And I was banned for good. My third exile, the current one. I believe it was rightfully deserved. But that doesn't end my story. The day after I was exiled I met with Ambrose through Discord. I asked him many questions, mostly about the possibility of ever coming back. He told me good news– that I would come back regardless, and bad news- that I needed to grow up and stop these outbursts. So I resumed therapy. I started going to the gym. I learned to stand on my own two feet. And I made friends. These friends later helped me report the bullies and one of them got in deep trouble. I went to Ireland and Scotland, and while at first it was just more overwhelming sadness, by day three I learned to forget about it and enjoy myself. And that's how I've been for the past few days. Waiting for the right time to ask for another chance. Whether I'm granted one or not isn't for me to decide, but I hope you'll all give me another shot at this. Category:Perspectives